Investigating Infidelity: Why does someone hire a private investigator when they think their partner is cheating?

If you are asking yourself this question, you already have your suspicions, there has been some evidence that has been uncovered, a receipt, perfume or aftershave on clothing or maybe a change in your partners behaviour.  Sometimes there isn’t any clear evidence but you have a hunch, your intuition is telling you something.

What is your intuition telling you?

Long before you have any certainty a partner is cheating on you, your intuition may be sounding alarm bells. In a lot of cases, the suspicion is there for some time before the reality of the situation becomes apparent. Some of us refer to it as a gut feeling, a feeling we can’t shake off when things just aren’t right.

For some of us, it can be the consequence of a relationship that just hasn’t been right for some time. We may be persisting with a relationship that we know is doomed but feel we can’t get out of for the sake of children, finances, the upheaval or all manner of reasons.

Often, we try to override our intuition, “he couldn’t”, “she wouldn’t”, “they wouldn’t do that to me”. However, in a positive loving relationship, we don’t have a nagging urge to check our partner’s mobile phone, their computer or their clothes in the wash basket.

In many cases, we are right to check out our gut feelings.  The simple fact that we are thinking that way can indicate there is something wrong –  even if it isn’t as drastic as adultery. The instinct we trust in so many other aspects of our life is suddenly frozen in paralysis to the point we almost have to catch our partner with that other person to fully believe it.

At least by following our instinct that something’s wrong it might give us the chance to intervene before one party of the relationship falls for someone else, prevent a costly divorce the effect on family, or seeking counselling and relationship coaching to put things back on track.

It is amazing how many of us persist with a negative relationship and the misery it brings sometimes year upon year creating a new way of existence in a relationship that started so positively with all its dreams and aspirations.

How do you catch someone cheating?

What we advise is not doing anything rash but committing to check out your instincts. Some of the issues you may encounter include:

  • Alerting someone you are on to them,
  • Convincing denials that cause you to start doubting yourself
  • The blame may be shifted to you – you have some problem, you don’t trust them, how could you allege such a thing.

These behaviours can convince you that you are the one with the problem and the one that needs to modify your behaviour.

When the stakes are high for you, and you want to find out what is going on, you need to be patient.  It’s important to carry out your investigation without coming to the wrong conclusions, potentially making the situation worse.  When you raise your suspicions too quickly the potential cheater can become more devious, covering their tracks and making your task even harder. Confronting someone with no evidence can definitely give them the upper hand in the situation. Likewise, it is necessary to be careful who you confide in, sometimes those people will say things to others often trying to help – or not meaning to frustrate things – but this often leads to information getting back to the very person you wouldn’t want it going to.

Does this mean I definitely need a Private Investigator to find out if my partner is being unfaithful?

Not always.

It may not be a case of immediately taking your concerns and intuition to a private investigator. You may want to carry out some of your own investigations first which I will cover in a future article.

Confirming or dispelling your suspicions can be a valuable way to decide your future and as painful as it is, we certainly have found that clients are much happier to know the truth.  The truth helps to inform your future and help you confront both your emotional and practical realities.

For confidential and supportive advice, call us on 0131 291 0507